A hotel lobby, a binder and Starbucks…

Thanksgiving feels different this year. The past almost twenty years it’s been pretty predictable. Balancing Thanksgiving client pie delivery, making a feast for the table, feasting, watching Elf (after feasting), cutting down the tree and decorating.

Not this year.

I’m trying to finish out 2022 well. I’m currently almost four weeks into my new full time 8:30-5 job. I’m also continuing to maintain and work towards “warm hand offs” of my clients to my Real Estate Team. Adding family, household tasks, cooking, paying bills, grocery shopping and feeding the birds (lol) and it equates to CRASH and BURN.

About one week into my new career in Home Health, I “broke down”…In my office. I abhor tears on my behalf. On behalf of others, it’s okay. But for me? Never! I couldn’t control it. I couldn’t stop it. I was embarrassed and felt so stupid. Being the one female (mom) in a house full of men (three boys and a really cute best half)…I had to be tough! I felt weak.

I couldn’t hide. One woman can only do so much. My teapot didn’t just boil over, it exploded….A fountain of tears.

I walked into a meeting with my boss and my coworker. Yes “boss”…I haven’t had one of them since I was 23. Being self employed for 20 years, I was my own boss. I had cleaned myself up and only wanted to make them aware I “lost it” and some of the other girls in the office witnessed it. Before I could tell them about it, I burst into a fountain of tears…again.

Of course they both told me to come in and close the door. Both wanted to help me in any way they could. Next came their suggestion. Go to the local Marriott in the city and sit in the lobby for a while. What???? In the lobby of a hotel????

It felt so good to finally let someone know, I can’t be everything to everyone all the time. I needed time to process and breath. My life is changing at lightening speed and I felt like I was in danger of getting electrocuted.

Boundaries are hard to put in place when you’re doing your best to start one job and end another well…

So a hotel lobby? I tried to tell them I was okay now that I expressed my angst and they still insisted I take as long as I need to process. So I did it. As strange as it felt, it was exactly what I had needed. They sent me out with $20 and a binder with a tablet and pen.

I started my time people watching. I had to breathe before I could enter into a place where I was able to write down what my mind and heart were feeling. There are a lot of fun stories that one can make up while perusing the lay of land and prospects inside a hotel lobby.

This is no mundane hotel. It’s an historical landmark in the center of the city of Lancaster. Stunning and grand. That is how I would describe it. Any event I have ever attended inside this Marriott has required a black tie, sequins, and/or sizing up someone else’s attire…(The bougie events I’m not a fan of)…as I’ve stated in prior blogs…if it’s not an oversized sweatshirt and distressed jean, I’m playing dress up.

Once I completed the people watching stage, I entered into processing why I was there. Eventually, my pen started writing. Before I knew it I had three full pages. It wasn’t about fixing the issues. Honestly, there were a lot of things that were out of my control. It was more about writing all my thoughts on paper and letting “it” go.

With every new season comes release. Release requires letting to. That might sound elementary but it’s not. What we know and feel comfortable with we can control. What is new and unexplored can make one vulnerable and exhausted.

This Thanksgiving I’m so thankful for a new season where I feel incredibly supported by a company/boss/coworkers who truly “get it”. They understand that I’m overwhelmed with GIGANTIC changes and they make me take a pause when needed. Yes, they send me out to “strange places” to process when life becomes too overwhelming.

2023 will be different! It’s going to be AWESOME because God has clearly put incredible people all around me to guide and support me in this new season/journey.

I haven’t shed a “stressful tear” since that day. I guess it does “take a village”…especially with someone like myself. Summing it up, I won’t forget that day in the lobby of the Marriott. I learned a valuable lesson. Find your passion and your people who will support you and send you to uncomfortable places you’ve never been before. Places where you can release all control and in the process, feed your soul 💗

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